


Here and Now

by orphan_account



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: Alternate Universe, F/M, Harry and James are brothers but its not important to the plot, Hermione is sad, Marauders Friendship (Harry Potter), One Shot, Peter doesn't exist or maybe he does but we don't see him, Ron is unintentionally jerky, Sirius is soft for Hermione
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-02-22
Updated: 2021-02-22
Packaged: 2021-03-19 02:26:57
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,715
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29619171
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/orphan_account
Summary: As graduation looms closer, Hermione has regrets and doubts about herself until reassurance comes from a surprising source.Or: Sirius has always seen the best parts of Hermione.
Relationships: Sirius Black/Hermione Granger
Comments: 7
Kudos: 56





	Here and Now

**Author's Note:**

> It's been so long since I've written any fanfiction, at least 8 years. I'm not sure how well this will be received but after recently reading some beautiful stories, I was just filled with too many ideas and plotlines I wanted to flesh out. I had to get something out of me before I burst. Please forgive any mistakes and errors made. Without any further ado, here's one that has been floating around in my brain.

The hard part about boarding school was that if you didn’t become friends with your dorm mates within the first couple years, it was practically impossible to rectify the matter later. This was a situation Hermione was becoming intimately aware of.

“He kissed me! You know that one corner on the 6th floor that’s always dim no matter how many times the lights are changed? Right there! And it was absolutely perf-” Lavender’s voice had drifted up the stairs before her feet carried her through the door, Parvati following close behind.

Hermione glanced up at them from where she was sitting at her desk with a tentative smile. She hoped it looked inviting instead of unnatural and grotesque, which was exactly how it felt on her face.

“Oh Hermione! Sorry, we didn’t realize you were in here. We’ll just head back out,” Lavender apologized. She was already half turned around, ready to leave.

“No, it’s alright,” Hermione said, “I don’t mind some company right now.”

Giggles erupted from her two roommates and she had the slightest feeling that she was about to be insulted.

Parvati’s laughter stopped first. “We know you don’t like talking about these kinds of things, especially while you’re studying.” Her smile could be considered as fond, with a tinge of warmth in her expression, but all Hermione felt was the icy chill of rejection. A sense of not belonging, an _other_ -ness that was becoming more and more familiar.

She stood up and chuckled weakly, even as her heart thumped painfully in her chest.

“You’re right and I’ve completely forgotten I was supposed to tutor this afternoon.” Hermione gathered her things from her desk and threw them into her bag carelessly. “You two should stay here and talk but I’ve got to get going,” she said, throwing a small wave over her shoulder as she left. Their conversation started back up as soon as she crossed the threshold of their room’s doorway.

Hermione’s head was in a daze as she walked down and mortified, she realized her eyes were watering. That wasn’t ideal since the common room was currently full of people. Younger students curled up in small groups and a few of her own year mates engaged in a friendly chess tournament. Harry and Remus were waiting on the side patiently, as patiently as two teenage boys could, while Sirius narrated Ron and James’ game in a dramatic fashion.

“Weasley’s holding tight to this match. Will Potter be able to turn it around in time?”  
She glanced at Sirius as she inched closer to her destination. His words had a slight calming effect on her, halting the tears before they could fall. Despite not being very close over the years, they were friends or perhaps friend-adjacent, and so he’d always been kind to her, never making her the butt of his many pranks. Perhaps that’s why she’d had a soft spot for him in the recent months, turning a blind eye to a few of his troublesome antics as they drew closer to graduation. She refused to let herself think it was anything more than gratefulness for his surprising softness towards her.

Not wanting anyone to catch her in such an emotional state, she stuck close to the wall until she reached the door. She was nearly successful, as only one pair of eyes had tracked her movement to the exit.

As she walked to the library, seemingly the only place she could draw true comfort, she tried to decide what was really bothering her. It wasn’t that Hermione necessarily wanted to be part of Lavender and Parvati’s conversation. No, the two of them really could go on for hours about boys and fashion. Not that she thought less of them for their preoccupation, she knew it was only natural to seek out the company of the opposite sex and to want to look good, but she’d never been particularly interested in those matters. True she’d had a few kisses, a date or two over the last couple of years and yet, she had been completely underwhelmed. She didn’t see the point of pursuing such disappointing affairs.

Maybe the real problem was that she didn’t know how to lean in to the present, the here and now, to just _enjoy_ life. In constantly trying to prove herself, to be _better_ , she’d distanced herself from the people around her for years.

It deepened the hurt feelings she was already nursing from her conversation with Ron and Harry the day before.

_That morning, only a small group of students had been present for breakfast, most opting to take advantage of the weekend to sleep in. Hermione had scheduled an intense study session for her and the two boys, requiring them to be awake, fed, and ready to start at a reasonable time. Their table was quite empty with only Harry’s brother James and his closest friends, Sirius and Remus. It was quite unusual to see them up and about so early but she figured they were up to something secretive and, no doubt, troublesome with the way they huddled together over a single parchment at the end of the table._

_Ron had been furiously chomping on his breakfast, so eager to eat that he’d stuffed his mouth before there was enough space for more food. It wasn’t the prettiest sight to look at, as the look of shock led to most of the contents of his mouth falling back down to the plate._

_“What do you mean, Hermione? Everyone knows you’re going to go off and study even more after graduation. That’s all you do! Sometimes you act more like a machine than a human. How can you say you don’t know what your future plans are?”_

_“Keep your mouth shut Ronald, honestly, you’re disgusting when you eat and talk at the same time!”_

_Harry had awkwardly angled his body between the two of them as she was talking, in some misguided attempt to diffuse the tension. But Ron had continued, not realizing that he was turning a bad situation into something much worse._

_“You’re completely predictable. Everyone knows to stay away because you never want to have fun and you always treat us like children!” He pounded the table for emphasis and drew the attention of the other three seventh years. James and Remus looked with gob-smacked expressions at Ron while Sirius locked eyes with Hermione briefly before looking away._

_“Lucky for you, Harry and I don’t mind putting up with it but come on! Don’t you wonder why none of the girls really hang out with you?” He laughed, bits of chewed-up bread dropping out of his mouth with the motion, “Because it’s exhausting!”_

_“Ron, stop!” Harry whisper-yelled._

_But there was no point in Harry saying that. Ron, having said his piece, happily continued eating. He was quickly drawn into conversation by the other three boys (oblivious to the impact his harsh words had had on her), Sirius asking if he’d seen the most recent Quidditch game._

_“Do you feel that way as well, Harry?” Hermione quietly asked._

_Harry sighed heavily before answering, “He was too harsh, Hermione. It’s just surprising to hear that you might forgo more schooling to travel. It’s not exactly in line with your personality or interests. You’re more focused and work harder than anyone I know. And I don’t want to know where we’d be without your help all these years.”_

_“That wasn’t exactly a no,” her voice trailed off._

_“Hermione,” he exhaled, “you always have to be the best and smartest. You’re constantly trying to prove yourself and like Ron said, it can be tiring because no one else has that same drive as you do. But it’s not a chore spending time with you. You’re our friend,” Harry shot her a tiny smile, “even if you give us detention way more often than you need to.”_

_She offered her own faint smile in return. “Thank you Harry. Despite Ronald’s constant insistence on putting his foot in his mouth, I am happy to have you both in my life.”_

_Harry was content to leave things at that, joining his brother and friends’ conversation but Hermione grew contemplative. Despite contributing to the conversation occasionally, she couldn’t forget Ron’s words, replaying endlessly in her mind. So lost in her thoughts, she hadn’t noticed a pair of dark eyes glancing at her throughout the meal._

Thinking back on it now, as she made it to her destination, a quiet, dark corner in the very back of the library, Hermione knew that Ron had been right. There were certain things expected of her in the future. She didn’t know what had possessed her to say she didn’t know what she wanted to do after graduation but it had been one of the most honest things she’d ever felt in her life.

Feeling a gaze burning the back of her head, she twisted in her chair and was surprised to see Sirius walking determinedly towards her little nook.

“Are you okay?” He asked as soon as he was close enough to lean over her.

Hermione blinked. “Of course, why wouldn’t I be?”

Sirius scoffed as he sat down, “I know what you look like when you’re sad but trying to pretend you’re not.”

“We haven’t exactly been friends all these years, Sirius.”

He seemed to hesitate a bit before he finally said, “I’ve thought of you as my friend for years. Contrary to what Ron said yesterday, it’s quite easy to be around you and care for you.”

Surprised and slightly abashed, she asked, “You were listening to that, were you?”

“I’m always listening to you, Hermione.” He gave her a small smile as her cheeks flushed red.

“Nothing he said was wrong,” she finally choked out, looking down to avoid his eyes “I know I can be too intense and just too much for people to be around. We’re all still kids really, but I’ve been acting as if I’m Harry and Ron’s mother for years, scolding and lecturing them. I just don’t know how else to be, how to care about now and being young like everyone else.”

“Hermione,” the depth of emotion in his voice made her head jerk up, the fire in his grey eyes causing the pressure in her chest to build up, “you _care_ more than anyone else I know. More than my parents and their snobby friends, more than, as much as I love them, the Potters, Weasleys, and Remus. You _are_ too much, too _good_ for us all. We’re all guilty of taking you for granted. I could kick myself if I think about all the time wasted not showing you how important you are.”

She let out a disbelieving laugh. “What are you saying?”

Smiling stiffly, he explained, “I had a whole plan for yesterday, you see. It’s the reason we were all up so early, I know you were wondering what kind of trouble we could all get up to at such a god-forsaken early hour. But I knew the timing was all wrong once Ron went off on you.”

“A plan for what?” Hermione was at a complete loss for where he was going with this. It was starting to give her a headache.

Sirius dragged his chair closer to her, not even flinching at the sharp sound it created against the floor.

“I know that you don’t want to continue school after graduation and that you don’t want to get stuck in some office job pushing papers. You’ve always been good at school, of course, you’re curious and absolutely brilliant, but you’ve also not been challenged like you should’ve been. It makes sense that you want to travel and learn as many things as you can on your own terms.”

Her jaw seemed to drop to the ground with that declaration. “How could you possibly know all that?”

“I told you already. I listen to you, pay attention to you. It was clear when you didn’t want to talk to McGonagall about schools and when you started checking out books from here about all sorts of different destinations. All I’ve been thinking about lately is how to help you pursue those desires. That’s why I-” he broke off with a deep inhale.

Hermione’s eyes softened as she reached out to grab one of his hands in both of her own. “What is it?”

“It’s why I spoke to my parents and arranged for them to create a different type of practical education grant. It would be the first of its kind and sort of probationary. But it would give you a chance to travel around the world. All you would be required to do is visit a country of their choice every few months where you would work with a chosen employee along with some of their non-profit partners in various aspects. They would be investing in you, in a way. If this is successful, it would give them a chance to increase international cooperation with their business partners, most of whom were eager to work with you when they saw your grades and extracurricular activities, and it makes them look good to be part of such a humanitarian effort.” He rolled his eyes at the last statement and pulled out something that looked suspiciously like the parchment she’d seen the day before at breakfast.

It was a formal application for his parents’ grant.

“You’d still have to apply, of course, for the sake of documentation and paperwork. But you’d be the only applicant.”

“But why? Why would they do that for me? Surely there would be more qualified individuals. And I’m surprised you would try to arrange this with them. I thought things were a bit,” she paused, thinking of the right way to phrase it, “I thought you weren’t really close to them,” she finished lamely.

“I never really was concerned with being the ‘Black heir’,” he threw up quotation marks with his fingers. “And yet, I’ve been thinking seriously, of course there’s no other way for me to think,” he smirked at his own joke, “that I could make a real difference in the world if I just stopped being so selfish and focused on others. Be more like you.

“Sirius Black, you’ve never been selfish. You are one of the best men I know, in fact. Of course, there have been times over the years I’ve worried about your maturity level,” she snickered at his indignant look, “but I’ve never doubted that you are inherently good. You’ve always been kind to me and cared for your friends. I’m sure you will reflect that same level of warmth and goodness in anything you choose to do in the future. Thank you for helping to make this happen, I’m very interested in the opportunity.”

She took a deep breath before she continued, hoping she wasn’t revealing how strongly she was feeling at the moment. “I’d miss you all, of course, especially you.”

“I’m glad you think that. You’re wrong of course, as I’m being at least a little selfish in this matter. You see, I’m the person who you’d work with if you choose to accept. I care about you very much, Hermione, and I wanted to show you.” Sirius faltered at the look of absolute shock on her face and hastened to add, “If that makes you uncomfortable, I’ll change things around and you wouldn’t have to work with me. Please don’t feel obligated at all!”

It was jarring to see Sirius Black, normally so cool and confident, suddenly unsure and shy? Was it possible that he actually felt the same way as her? Perhaps he was floundering just as she was in this unknown feeling, too precious to put a name to it yet. Maybe it was time for her to be more like _him_. Not focus so much on the future but on the here and now. On Sirius and how he felt. On herself and how much _she_ felt for him.

She reaches out with one hand to the document and the other to Sirius’ cheek. He relaxes as soon as he sees her tender expression and covers her hands with his own.

Smiling at him, utterly smitten, she leans in.

**Author's Note:**

> Thank you to who all who have made it this far! If you have the time, please leave a comment about what you liked (if anything lol), what could've been better, or if you just want to vent about this pairing. I confess I love Hermione with any of the Maruaders (except, of course, the one curiously missing from this story) and I just needed to put something like this out into the world already.


End file.
